ok despite so much procrastination yo i feel good
i've had a nice night of socialising and even got SOME work done but also socialised with REAL PEOPLE and on twitter haha
also yooooooooooo HD on my euro essay like yoooooo i will totally submit this to the aurj!!! how ridiculous i procrastinated and dilly dallied around on this one sooo much and then i threw so much into IRT and it was like ploop bye. who even knows but
like see, i am CAPABLE. i can excel in things that i enjoy - i chose this topic and like ok i COULD do honours, i would be capable of honours for sure and even a first class honours but you know what? i just don't think i'd enjoy it. so. mnyhmssdjakjs
i cannot put into words how much i love cycling in the eastern and central loops like omfg. the autumn GLORY for the eastern loop, the city at twilight in the central loop like it's just fabulous memories with these places. like i adore it, so so much. it's almost as wonderful as john oxley reserve as an exercise place haha.
OH MAN barely any work done on the weekend but w/e this essay will be DONE so w/e
Good phone call fun last night, EU COURSE WAS THE BEST TODAY I LOVE SIMULATIONS!!!! the tute was good too. I LOVE THE EU COURSE
SUCH a good workout omg I LOVE ELLIPTICALS!!! i'm going to have suchhhhh fun at the gym. so good.
and then omg what is this....? i showed...? initiative? IN ORGANISING STUDY GROUPS hopefully that'll be helpful and fun (ew it's that one guy i dislike who is always in my tutes)
i also had huge anxiety stuff yesterday but i DEFEATED IT ALL. i solved it instead of letting it fester.
also got reference from simone yassss. going home on wednesday. meeting matthew grey at SOME POINT. idk my mood has been so good, things are looking up :')
and omg YES tiffany shall be livin' with us next semester probably YAY NOT A STRANGER
why am i planning for tomorrow actin' like this essay isn't done
omg all essays DONE omg i am just in the best mood. i feel so happy right now like I COULD BURST. i've been having good days, good moods since tuesday. really content and i just feel free. i know i'm not recovered from bulimia for sure but i feel really free from self harm. like all the worry i had last time i went home, the unwellness and insecurity in my entire being is gone?
i think when i go home i will tell mom. it will be painful but. idunno. maybe not. idunno. it's coming from a place where i'm so happy with my progress tho so hopefully she'll understand
- Tags:get back on that horse, get crackin get get crakin, i'll escape if i try hard enough, i'm deathly in my zone, imma take those other bitches down, none shall pass, oh yay oh yay ikimasshoi, oooss, social interaction, stabian baths, too far? not far enough!
why do i ever think playing around on okcupid is a good idea omg it can be an ego boost and then also i am not serious enough to want to get coffee w/ ppl who i am chatting with *ollies the fuck out*
ok i think the massive insecurities i've been feeling over the past week are mostly gone like idk what my problem is. i just gotta deal.
this history essay hmmmt. welllllll i got it in on time. i just hate the insecurity you get when you turn it in last minute like that lawd.
wow also 18+ km bike ride today holla!!! omfg that was. breathtaking and just what i needed after that counseling session. but seriously i am so in love with the eastern loop, it was sooooo country and the air felt so cool like it does at home. autumn is so gorgeous there. today was such gorgeous perfect weather too.
like yeah i do feel isolated by principle, bc something different happened to me. but i was brave, and i always have been brave, and people should be grateful if i share myself with them. i'm still fucking here.
i just feel so much more confident after that session and that ride.
tho ok. okay. hmmmmmmm @ that queer woman workshop thing :\ '20 to 60' i bet i am the only 20 year old. ugh i feel like i should go ~just to try and see but ok what do i even care about the queer community. at least self-defence is exercise. and fun.
yep ok i'm going cancel bc fuck this lol.
a+ to me for going on a jog instead of feeling all stressed and insecure. like honestly even if i still feel insecure i didn't become self destructive about it. that is a victory coming from within myself.
but like seriously everything else is turning out well. i've had good grades. i could start my masters next year. launchpad is good. i'm going to america!!! i'm going to melbourne.
ok i think i just needed a bad mood day and a cry, because tonight definitely got better. fun with flatmates definitely quells the insecurities
omg the self defence class tho... sigh canberra nothing really happens ever when i try to get involved. although definitely like delia (?) had a point, it was great having him focus on us. also i do like southside canberra a lot, all the winding roads. it is kinda intimidating but yah i like the valley feel. i like curtin. i really do like canberra.
i reckon i will rock up to a few more taekwondo that the guy invited me to like why not. maybe not this week since i'm too bogged down but for sure in the future since i can certainly feel like kicking the shit out of stuff
- Tags:ahhhhhhhh noooooooooooo beaaaaaaaaaaaaan, allahu akbar, eaux, gonna paint your wagon, i saw it, i'll escape if i try hard enough, liquor liquor lips, nazi but nice, nerd nerd, push the fuckin feelin on bitch!!!, social interaction
- Music:上海アリス幻樂団 - The Dream Palace Great Mausoleum | Powered by Last.fm
well yesterday felt good even tho no essay work was done. solid sushi+game of thrones sesh, solid tutorial, solid counseling. the simulation was SO much fun hahah. probably the most worthwhile thing i've done all year lol
today... well i've scanned loads of shit soooo. slowly getting through insurance. will probably email simone about being a reference some... time...
WELL I finally finished IR theory. amber thinks it's okay... yay....
the grad studies night WAS useful but fuck those SPIR ppl i hate national security i hATE EVERYONE IN IR!!!!
also god why do i sleep 10 hours. gawd.
idk even what i'm doing at this queer self defence thing lmaooo. wtf. it will be... interesting... like eh yeah might as well, idk what I expect to get from it at all except something to do on a thursday night... in fuckin tuggeranong omg
oh my god i actually got a distinction in applied arabic like i could almost cry. all the mental torture of the course and the people and then all the sights and the lecturers and the nizwa kids and movies nights omg it was all fucking worth it bc i got a distinction for two units of this year. two units done and i have a distinction, i could weep. I did weep. omg. lifeeeeeeeeeee
however hmmmmmm arabic conversation... with tommy and dawud... i mean worse thing would be them not talking to me OR me not understanding them or being able to string a sentence togetha. but w/e haha
I think after realising after the autumn holidays that I need to let go of the societal pressures and the pressures I put on myself, I feel overall happier. okay barring last Tuesday night where I think that was just a massive build up (it taught me to TRULY let things go) hmm yeah looking back at entries from january, I am doing REALLY well. i'm not lashing out weirdly, i'm better at CBT. even I'm seeing the core beliefs, at least recognising them.
okay excuse me what the hellllllll is up with like. masters not needing an honours???????????????????? so next year i could fucking do two years of masters coursework EASILY... or even a year and a half? MY WHOLE LIFE PLAN IS BEING QUESTIONED
holy crap the revelations of today are TOO MUCH
- Tags:and we're gonna do it all tonight, and we're gonna make it out alive, fuck yes, i hate pants, i i i wanna go go go, i keep a bad bitch around, insha'allah, it's true i crave you, muhammeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed, must not sleep, must warn others, no regrets, none shall pass, oh mah gawd, skank the night away, swagga, that's a load of shi'ite, the comet oh dammit, yissss, young and reckless
- Music:Lana Del Rey - West Coast
guess who finally got a letter from the dubai people. ME. brilliant. i can't believe it like fingers crossed i get my SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS BACK
i also cant believe how little essay work i've done the past two days althoooooo good shopping effort today. good chats. good future talk - basically i have no idea LOLLLLLllll i'm almost so deathly frightened of the future i'm beginning to just not care. it'll be sorted.
yayyyyyyy for hour long bike rides around the lake (i s2g it felt like two hours) and self-defence classes! WHO NEEDS TO WRITE ESSAYS TBH
oh yeah and when am i ever going to church.
omg smh at this essay this is soooooo terrible. this 'everything is secondary' paragraph is destroying me. also my academic writing style is DEFINITELY getting less idk. stilted. It's so much more flowery now.
oh yeah and watching game of thrones with izzy tomorrow hmmmmmm..... hopefully she remembers my name. hmmmmT will probably make a snipey comment lmao it's a good thing i enjoyed her company on the HP trivia night cuz gorl.....
lol talking about casting for s5... lmao omf it's going to be soooooooooooooooo messy, there's too many. the sand snakes gotta be cut? damphair... idk i hope they keep Val out of all the tertiaries, and Penny. I guess that rando kid will be there instead of Satin. i'm so nervous lmao
there's so many things that are so random and pointless and slow like idk alys karstark but so good and building things like... jon's entire character
- Tags:and no one ate dinner that night, boom, can i touch you, chale chaiyya chaiyya chaiyya chaiyya, double shot of coffee, eshaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays, get back on that horse, get crackin get get crakin, go away, he's coming he's coming he's coming, i keep a bad bitch around, i saw it, illest, ma programs, man alive, none shall pass, right den its on, swagga, this clown buh, we want this fire dun burn, ya'ni, yeah buddy
- Music:Bruno Coulais - L'Arrivée des araignées
omfg i saw the '7' part of my euro grade and i saw and was sad bc i assumed it was a 67 and then i looked closer and it's a 77 OMFG WAT my eyes bulged
i am so happy omg
no need to stress out (or like, i could do work)
omfg um 'Finally, I have some thoughts on the comparative aspect of the essay, but we can discuss these in person.' help???
GoT is such messy fun now lmaoooooo omg i can't stop. kinda pissed they're spoiling things for me but like oh well haha it's out of contROOOOOOOOOOL
i'm loving the audiobook reread tho omg. it hurts everyone was so young and happy :'( WHY LITTLEFINGER
the night's king being the big bad tho OMG the stark connection would be brilliant instead of rando bad guys and ohhhhhh heeeyyyyYYYYYY the main family grrm started with are actually IMPORTANT wowz
i still bet that rhaegar figured out the prophecy and also figured out that the others were coming back MAYBE HE FOUND A BOOK ABOUT THE NIGHT'S KING who knows.
yeah so i feel more confident and capable. so i'll go to the GP tomorrow
- Music:Royksopp and Robyn - Do It Again
i really want to enter this writing competition but all i want to write rn is a humourous gay romance between british radio DJs with a big age gap
i feel like i could sell it as an e-book on smashwords bruh bruh
i'm kind of into writing a piece about physical and emotional isolation through a local museum owner living on a tiny ass island in the middle of nowhere (like svalbard orrrrr south sandwich isand) but i fear it's very obscure. like the yuliya one.
i'd love to write something on a very micro historical event like gracie and the emperor or burial rites. but that's something that very much comes to you.
anyway SOoOOoOOOOOOooooOO pumped for my travels this year. off to melbz and geelong for idk a week maybe? and thanksgiving in houstoooooooon. this will be the year of the family i tell ya what. thanksgiving tho!!! and melb and geelong ahhhh
lovin my brows. i rly hope i can get them tips dyed. i'm thinking indigo or magenta. idk what i'm doing with my life btw
who knows but ay when i get the money.
burps wow how much work did i do this weekend. this entire week. none.
let's write 100 words of shite before bed
hahah jokes let's look at asoiaf wiki instead
buck up tomorrow son
- Tags:are we human or are we dancer, i know i've got a big ego, i'm getting old, i've lost my comedy, lol gave up, oh god, ok., partay, stay awake little misfit, that's it, where is this going, where yo boyfren at, whooops uni
- Music:The Prototypes - Cascade | Powered by Last.fm
okay so i was terrified of going back to canberra and i think it's because i'm putting way too much pressure on myself to live up to this ideal I have set myself like damn
trying to improve myself and simultaneously crushing myself
gotta talk to alice. tell her about stuff - alone week, other stuff. charlotte's message of support almost made me cry in jeanswest.
today was fabulous, that was such a good catch up with irene. i would honestly love to live with her one day. in melbourne. that would be fun. her reading tj and amal and all the bl hahah
good times with the fam too, chillin around darling harbour. can't believe i spent 12 hours in the city basically haha but it was fun.
i'm mostly now stressing about this damn ir essay and the history one lmao i thought i was sorted, way to lose my thoughts sigh.
idk i'll sort it when i'm not sleep deprieved.
tomorrow - drive home, go to the tute, go to the lecture, go to the national library. or something. we can do this.
^_____^ ah life may be full of anxieties but idk i'm happy rn
today was busy. launchpad is still so much great fun I honestly am considering going fridays now too. i'll see tbh. but i really like it and wish there was more volunteering like this. maybe with old people?
solid time getting an ankle brace yoooo and my seara poster omg i'm in love with it on my door.
and funtimes with counselling. i think i am getting better at identifying my thoughts and i really think i reached an epiphany in mildura - that i'm sick of being sad and needing attention for being sad. i can be anxious but i'm tired tired tired of crying over my nonsense. like this rpdr was so inspiring tbh i want to be like bianca and alyssa. i don't need to be like laganja or trinity
it's so fucking lame but tbh it gives me perspective.
and yayyyy harry potter marathon, this should be awesoemeeeee~ tonight was funnnnnnn.
like irt assignment was rubbish but i'll proofread it and submit it tomorrow. i'll start on euro bc helllllll and i'll go to the queer brunch. yus. and if it's weird and lame then i'll go to ir theory.
- Tags:boom, chale chaiyya chaiyya chaiyya chaiyya, cheer up and get on a sunbed, eshaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays, girasole, go hard, heaps good, i play synth, i saw it, i'm not ashamed of winning, kiss me ki-ki-kiss me, no regrets, push the fuckin feelin on bitch!!!, susan is a queer, well snap
- Music:MØ - Maiden
my life: going into old eddie izzard standup clips and laughing bc now i've actually in-depth studied everything he's talked about.
and then there's the hetalia fans. (i love how the eu hasnt changed since like 1998 tho)
well looks like i'm comparing euroscepticism in norway and its eu neighbours... as a focus??? no idea. because i actually need to focus on ir. because it's got me writing the biggets load of NONSENSE
but i have 30 words to go and i'll... eh yeah i'll finish this tonight. might as well.
oh god this is rubbishhhhhhhhhhh i dont care i'll just get the reference and format it and I'LL SLEEP
and my anxiety about loneliness has mostly gone down yay. seeing alice tomorrow should be good, even if i've calmed down.
also hana wa saku ka sells more than love stage WHAT IS THIS??? EXCUSE YOU ANIME INDUSTRY, ANIMATE HANA WA SAKU KA.
not that it makes much sense or that there's even any much of a plotline to have a whole anime but yanno.
also i thought shu and tsukimi would be cute and loved the idea of a rly tight friendship between kuranosuke and tsukimi but FUCK IT I SHIP THEM.
- Tags:annie may, big poo, bubba, can i urinate on him, can you geddit up, dingbat, double shot of coffee, get crackin get get crakin, get it get it, heaps good, i ain't freakin i ain't fakin this, i keep a bad bitch around, i keep the purp by the pound, mention hetalia and it's no longer funny, mr lighting bolt, no one wants to hear your mouth, so fahnni, stay awake little misfit, whoops uni, yissss
- Music:MARLENE - Bon Voyage
wow that rosti took forever to make oh my god giant fucking hashbrown. most intense meal ever. i need to stick to couscous.
sometimes i'm like fuck everything i don't want kids, i'm too scared
from them coming out majorly mentally or physically disabled, to them growing up to be dog molesters. or fucking their siblings. nah.
anyway haha wow last night was intense. idk did i actually say to nat 'that was my first fully consensual sexual experience' like damn
but hanging out with amber was so much fun :') i've missed this.
today tho today has felt so long. at least this evening has. long ass food journey + skypeing mum + cleaning half the apartment dayum.
and the history exercise is NOT VERY DONE HA HA HA HA o well.
- Tags:awkward, bah, feed the dog, for the boys, froggy enjoyed it! ribbit ribbit!, fuck yes, i'm not funny, juat, ogod oman!, oh mah gawd, oooss, stop being offensive, u can hav mah money
- Music:Katy Perry - Dark Horse (feat.Juicy J) | Powered by Last.fm
i'm annoyed forever that i can't access porn sites here
lawd the downside of studying in public is that you KNOW PEOPLE fuck off james
lmao i love eavesdropping on tash and fiona
anyway hmmm let's reflect about life shall we.
being at home was fun. i couldn't tell them :(((( but we're all happier for it.
i can't wait to go to america and have fun and and and going to qatar will be fun. i like spending time with my parents now.
so seeing that geoff's birthday is after two big things are due, i rly do want to go to mildura! it'll be fun!
lectures are foine. i'm glad i get to chat to ken fraser on friday. lmao @ hist tho, world at war, I'M BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL
also rpdr mannnnnnnnnnn i am in love with bianca. and courtney ofc. but also april is so beautiful please keep april forever ;_; and ben i really want to see more of ben, and joslyn. and i want to warm up to laganja
okkkkk man. yeah i'm glad nat agrees about fiona's cooking like i'll eat what she cooks but. nothing is that delicious to me lke man sad vegetarians...
also GOD the MH370 story is crazy like holy shit. god all the new details????? the oil rig guy??? hijacking???
WOW LAUNCHPAD WAS SO MUCH FUN!!! I get to drive lots and play and read with ADORABLE CHILDREN!!! Vika was sooOOoOooOoooooooo cute.
also man I wanna do Camp NaNoWriMo next month but idk what to do... Kirasul or Winther.... arghhhghghghgh Winther has a more set plan yet I know what to write re: Kirasul.
also the more I think about it the more I need to do my Honours thesis on Qatar in the GCC WOW WHY AM I NOT DOING IT THIS YEAR. bwahhhh!!
i am so torn about telling mum about the real reason for my counseling like OH GOD. i am so scared and i'm not home for long. but i feel like i need to. just. take her to my room in the day or something and tell her like when i came out.
anyway all of these ir theory essay questions are S E R I O U S L Y THE WORST oh god they all look awful. i'll probs do the one on the state tho THANK GOD IT'S ONLY 2000 WORDS.
- Music:Ninth Parallel - Verloren